Be Socrates so as not to be afraid to get married

For Socrates, the goal of marriage is to become a philosopher (the lover of wisdom).

One of the goals of marriage is to achieve happiness with the coveted beloved. However, in fact, not everyone can really achieve that. Socrates, an Ancient Greek philosopher, known as Plato’s teacher, suggested that one should get married no matter what it would be. According to him, under any circumstances, one has to get married.

Marriage is the commitment of two lovers to work together to achieve happiness. Then, what if our partner doesn’t take us there?

Such worries certainly do not have to prevent someone from getting married. Socrates said, “Be it married or not, however, you will regret both.” That means that getting married can make a person regret, because, for example, (s)he does not find the qualities of her/his lover as previously desired or idealised. In addition, not getting married (or being a spinster) also makes someone regret, because (s)he really misses one thing that should be worth striving to live or experience firsthand.

Socrates’ wife, Xanthippe, was not the ideal wife like Socrates would wish. She was known as having a chatty, hot-tempered, and bitchy character. Her neighbors called her a “witch lady”. Socrates married Xanthippe with the intention of changing Xanthippe for the better, but to no avail. In fact, what Socrates had changed was himself.

According to Socrates, even if someone will get a bad wife, he does not need to avoid it, let alone avoid marriage. Socrates asserts, “After all, if you get a good wife, you will be happy; if you get a bad one, you will become a philosopher.”

If a person doesn’t get happiness in his marriage because of his partner’s factor, it doesn’t mean that he really doesn’t get anything. To Socrates, it will change a person to get a higher happiness, which is willing to accept no matter how bad the character and habits of his or her partner. Hence, a person who does not find a perfect partner — and indeed no one is ever perfect — will turn herself or himself into a philosopher.

Someone who has a bad partner will continue to learn to understand their partner further and try to make them understand herself/himself. Like Socrates, who always faced various problems in his household, every married person does not always get the happiness (s)he wishes for.

Precisely when various household problems arise, a person can continue to forge and open herself/himself to accept her/his partner as a whole. Under these circumstances, a person makes herself/himself a philosopher, who continues to learn from every detail of her/his partner’s shortcomings and pushes herself/himself to adapt to such irritating conditions.

Although unable to feel happiness in the most general sense, (s)he continues to feel happiness in the highest sense as a philosopher who has widened her/his eyes.[]